New blurb for The City of Mysts?

I’ll present the original blurb first:

Inspired by books like Prophetic Visions of the Future, wherein it introduces Mukulia (scientifically: Lemuria) or Mu, an advanced civilisation before Atlantis, the story takes place in the City of Mysts.

It is at the heart of the metropolitan, where an academy has been built for the elite. Transfer student Frederick accidentally meets a strange girl who will lead him into the depths of the city’s mysterious tunnels and bring him into a world of enchantment that will change not only his life but also those around him forever…

I made this ten years ago and posted it in a website that has ceased to exist(?). I was thirteen or fourteen back then so I’m not sure if it’s still out there. Anyway, I never bothered changing it since that about sums up the story. But everything has changed after I made the prologue that I felt the need to rewrite the blurb into:

Dr. Fred Williams has a secret. He fears its discovery when a daughter of his patient starts asking him about the City of Mysts. Fred is led to a website where a story about his past is told. 

It speaks about him as a student in Roucan Academy. It is where he accidentally meets a mysterious girl called Electra. Through her, he enters the depths of the city’s mysterious tunnels and into a world of enchantment. However, their friendship is cut short when tragedy strikes. The story ends with Electra dead and Fred leaving the city with her secret. 

Fred is intent on finding out who wrote the story – a prediction, five years prior to the incident. His search leads him back to the city. There, he crosses paths with a woman who has Electra’s face.

Hmm. Although I’ve posted this in Wattpad, I’m still uncertain if it suits the story.

English isn’t my native language, so it’s prone to errors in grammar, punctuation, etc. I only use the language since I’m more comfortable typing in it than in my native tongue. LOL. Kidding aside, I wanted to broaden my readership.

So, a little help from the wordsmiths and readers would be nice – even if it’s just to flag me because of a typo. Thanks in advance. 🙂

 

 

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